Insomniac

I lay down
Eyes wide open
I think my mind has gone blank
I think about today
I think about tomorrow
I think about five years from now
I think about five seconds ago
I check my phone
No one
My eyes are straining
I shut them
I open them
I’m so tired
I can’t sleep
I’m mentally running
And there is no stop in sight
I check my phone
No one
I sit up
I look around
My eyes are dry
I lay back down
I look at the popcorn up above
I check my phone
No one
I stare at it
I want it to say something
I want it to show me someone
I want it to answer my questions
I put it down
Vampire Weekend
No
Imagine Dragons
No
Savage Garden
No
Random
Yes
I check my phone
No one
I close my eyes
I open them
I pause
I have paused for awhile
Night has never felt so cold
So alone
I turn to the right
Flip to the left
I check my phone
No one
I feel around
No one
There is no one

Not Really There

They’re coming for me
I can feel them breathing on neck
I feel their fingertips on the back of my shirt
They’re grasping
They’re clawing
They’re...
They’re...
They’re not there
I turn to see no one
Not a soul coming through the fog
It’s empty
Everything is empty
My breath has slowed
My feet are still
There it is again
It’s not them
It’s you
Your hands are at the back of my neck
The move down my back
Under my arms
Around my waist
Then they squeeze
Tighter and tighter
It almost hurts
But don’t let go
Never let me go
I want to face you
I want to see you
But I know that if I do
If I truly face you
You won’t really be there

Tranquility

The sun is setting for the day
I don't feel you here any longer
I can see my breath escaping my lips
It's a but colder this winter
There is so much horror in this world
It's persistent and strong
But through it all
I sit and think of only you
Not myself
Just you
I don't feel you here
I yearn for you
But you're nowhere to be found
I've traveled this broken path
I've stumbled
I've bled
I've died
I've searched through burning fires
I've searched through vast darkness
I've clawed through oceans of mud
Just to find you
Nothing left to lose
Nothing left to hope for
But I shall not yield
I'll fight until the light is gone from my eyes
Because one day
When the sky has fallen
When the leaves have turned to ash
When our very existence is pushed to the edge
I know
I will find you

End of an Endless

I can’t think
I can’t focus
I can’t hurt
I can’t cry
I can’t feel joy
I can’t write
I can’t will my fingers
To do my minds bidding
I’ve been stuck
I’ve been lost
I’ve been distracted
I’ve been walking in every direction
I’ve been confused
I’ve been trying to find an answer
To a question I haven’t asked yet
Where do I go
What do I do
Who do I turn to
When all I see is this endless fog
I feel trapped in this state of idiocy
That has never concerned me before
I’m getting caught up in a world
I’ve never believed in before
I’m chained up against a wall
And I’m the one who swallowed the key
I’m suffocating
I’m drowning
I’m falling
Im spiraling down
With all that’s working against me
I am my biggest threat
With all I have behind me
I am my biggest motivator
With nothing but the road ahead
I tread on with a weary and weak mind
I tread on

The Path Ahead

With every shard scattered around
Our feet worn and tired
We walk through this cloud of shame
To leave the former world
Far behind
With mountains ahead
Our journey far from over
We charge ahead
Side by side
Our minds weary
Our souls pounded through
Our hands stained with blood
Guilt and sorrow
We shed a tear for it all to be over
But somewhere in the night
In the darkness and shadows
The stars will flicker bright
To light the path ahead
Leading us to the other side
Through fear
Through anguish
Through hell itself
We will not fade
We will fight
To claim what is rightfully ours
Life itself

The River

I was walking through the forest one day
The sun was shining through the leaves
The water of the river flowed steadily nearby
And the smell of the trees was sweet and thick
As I walked through the forest
I met a gray looking man who stood by the river
His clothes we old
His hands were dirty
His shoes had walked thousands of miles
As I approached him
He offered me a seat overlooking the river
As I looked on I saw another man
This man was different
His clothes were clean
His hands, soft and spotless
And as I looked, this man wore no shoes
I asked my new friend about the Beautiful Man on the other side
He told me a tale of two friends
These men were walking through the forest one day
As they came to the river
The Beautiful Man noticed a shimmer from the other side
As he looked closer, what he saw amazed him
The ground was smoother
The trees flowed more graceful
The fruits were more plentiful
The sun even shone brighter
The man was drawn to it instantly
The Gray Man grew cautious of the other side of the river
The Gray looked and saw past the shimmer
He saw a darkness
He saw nothing was real on the other side
He tried to warn the Beautiful Man who began walking into the river
Walking to the other side
But as the Gray Man begged
The Beautiful Man turned to his friend
And began to ask the Gray Man to join him
But the Gray Man stayed behind
As the days came and gone
Each man on each side of the river
Everyday, though
The two would gather at the river to drink
The Beautiful Man stayed beautiful on the other side
He no longer spoke
He no longer grew tired
He no longer smiled
He no longer cried
The Gray Man stayed on his side as well
He worked hard everyday
He grew more weary each day
He cried
But he laughed
He wasn’t beautiful
But he smiled
Everyday was harder than the day before
But he didn’t mind
Because he had lived
Everyday the Gray Man met new and wonderful people
They came to the river to make a decision
To cross or not to cross
As he turned to me
I looked into his eyes
I saw what the years took away from him
But I saw what they had brought him as well
And then he asked me
“So, will you cross the river?”

It's Time

I’m trying to keep the air still
I’m trying to keep my promises
I’m trying to stay upright
I’m so close to failing
So close of losing myself
It’s not only what I am doing
It’s what I am not doing
It’s not only what I feel
It’s what I am not feeling
I keep walking circles
In an empty room
Waiting for someone
Something to come in
But when I look up
There is no door
There is no window
There is nothing
Just an empty wall
I want to sit
I want to lie down
I want to close my eyes
Wake up a different person
But no matter how tight
My eyes are closed
They are still mine
I need a hand
I need a shoulder
I need
I’m longer sure I know what I need

Wait

I listen for him
But all I hear is the cool night breeze
I look at the time
3am
I know he isn't coming
But I wait anyway
He disappoints me night after night
But I can't help but think
He'll come back one day
I return to me room
After a cigarette on the balcony
He hated that I smoked
But I hated that he left
I wanted to hate him
Hate him for his words
Hate him for lying
Hate him for…
Hate him for anything
So that I could get over him
But truth be told
I still loved him
For every bad memory
There were four good ones to replace them
I was at a loss of why he left
I couldn't think of a reason why he did
He was gone
No words
No reason
Just gone
And now here I am
Checking my phone every five minutes
An email
A text
A phone call
Nothing
Just the vast emptiness
The dark in which I've learned to embrace
When will be return
When will he call my name once again
When will he caress me as he once did
I have no answers to my questions
So all I have left is to wait
Wait for a return
That will never come to be

Here With Me

Your morning scent fills my head
You’re intoxicating
There is a wind of euphoria that circles all around me
A simple touch from you
Makes me lighter than a feather
The only thing to bring me down
Is your embrace
A kiss from you gives me shivers
The shaking is barely controllable
In your arms I am home
The world is gone
And all that is left is you and me
Your gaze sends my heart pounding
Waves are sent throughout my body
You put your hand in mine
And the rush of emotions begins again
This may not last forever
For things this good never do
But never will it be forgotten
And the memory
Of your body tangled in mine
Will always be mine to hold

Sands of the White Desert

I can feel the hot sun splash across my face
I can feel the grains of sand play between my toes
I can feel the wind swiftly wrap around me like a soft blanket
It is here I can think
It is here I feel safe
It is here I feel at home
When the chaos of the world is too much
I come here
When I don’t feel safe in the quiet on the night
I come here
When my heart begins to break
I come here
I walk through the desert
And I take in everything it has to offer me
The sands cleanse me
Cleanse me of the burdens that cling to my aching body
Whenever I feel the need to fall
I fall to the sands of the white desert
For it is here
And only here
I can truly feel free

Waiting

I stand alone in the night
I light up a cigarette
It’s a dark winter’s night
And yet I am not cold
I take a drag
I look up to the night sky
And listen to the sounds of the cars in the distance
It’s a calm winter’s night
I exhale a puff of smoke
And watch it disappear in the air
I wait for his arrival
I wonder if he will keep me warm
I wonder if he will caress my rough cheek
I wonder if I will fall asleep in his arms
I don’t know him
He doesn’t know me
Nothing but me in his arms
I wonder if he will hold me until I fall asleep
No sex
No kiss
No words
Just two people
In the calm of the night
Holding each other
Until the rising of the sun

Cry to the Night

My eyes sparkle in the sun
My laugh dances in the wind
My smile is infectious
My stride, confident
I'm on top of the world
Life is a dream
But then comes the nightmare
Then come the tears
I cry to the night
My world is upside down
The light of the moon
Uncovers the truth
I cry to the night
My thoughts swirl
My fears collide
My screams are silenced
There is no one here
No one to hold me
No one to save me
I cry to the night
A moment of stillness
Before I fall into the darkness
I see nothing
But there are screams in the distance
Screams of sorrow
Screams of pain
Screams from the world
That are silenced by sunrise
I cry to the night
I cry for someone
I cry or anyone
I cry for help
I cry for an existence
That will never come
By day, life is in the air
A life I love
I'm not sad
I'm not afraid
I'm not alone
Life is a dream
But the nightmare lingers
For the night is bound to come
I cry to the night