Outline

You said you would be here but you weren’t
I keep looking for you

Knowing you aren’t here

Sometimes I close my eyes

To try and hear your words again

Sometimes I hear them

Mostly, I hear nothing

I hear myself breathing

I get so annoyed at hearing my own breathe

Because it’s not you

You said you would still be here but you aren’t

An outline of you is here

I look at it everyday

I take it with me to work

I carry it

But it’s not you

It bears your weight

But you’re still not there

I mostly feel stupid for holding on

Clinging to something that isn’t you

But I can’t let go

I’m still waiting for you to come back

I know

I know with every fiber of my being that you’re not coming back

Every time I come to that realization again

I look down to what I am holding on to

And that outline that looks like you

Isn’t actually you at all

And I’ve lost you all over again

My heart dies all over again

I swear I can see you

I swear I can hear you

For fuck’s sake

I can almost feel you

But you’re not here

You said you would be but you aren’t

And each time I think I’ve found you

It’s not you

Why can’t I find you?