Journal Entry 1-4-2011

It’s interesting. People go by every year making New Year’s Resolutions that we don’t follow. We promise ourselves we are going to do everything in our power that this is the year that we will change. For the first few months, it works. Everyone goes about doing what we can to keep that promise. Maybe it is a diet, a desired career path, a new look with a new wardrobe, or maybe it was to fall in love. The truth about those resolutions, those promises, is they never work. The easiest person to lie to is ourselves, we are also the easiest person to let down. Too many times we break our own promises because in the end we knew we would be the person we were hurting. I hardly ever keep a promise to myself and still I get so saddened after time has gone by only to realise that I didn’t change they way I wanted, I didn’t do the things I was trying to set out to do. And it isn’t like I got lost or saw a better opportunity, I simply didn’t do anything to change, to keep that promise. Sometimes, though, when I’ve promised myself something and I’ve forgotten what it was, somehow it seems to find it’s way back to me only it jolts my life so harshly that not only did it change me but it changed everything around me. Sometimes it’s for the better and sometimes not but either way it doesn’t always seem to turn out for the better for the people I love. It seems like someone always gets hurt. I didn’t make a promise this year. I’ve set some goals with no dates on them. I didn’t say “This is the year for that change!” as I have said in the past. So many times I try to find an answer to some problem I’ve conjured up that I forget that the best thing to do is just live. Sometimes I forget that I am already the person I want to be and that I need to take my time to just live it out. And who knows, maybe the answer I was looking for was trying to find me all along, I was just to busy with my head to the ground to notice.