To Feel What Isn't There

I saw you again
this morning
I basked in your essence
then
just as I do every morning
I throw you away
I remind myself
I don't need you
I don't care for you
like you care for me
you need me to exist
but you must ask yourself
if you are with me
are you really yourself?
You hurt me
you make me hurt myself
I ache only when
you are around
yet
on most nights
I find myself in your arms
will I ever be free of you?
Or will I find someway
to have you near me
once more?
I can't stand you
but some days I feel
I need you
I feel your breath
on my neck
when people
are around
I wash you off
in my morning shower
yet
in the cool breeze
of the afternoon rain
you are standing
in front of me
waiting for me
please lose memory of me
I would very much like
to do the same of you