Save Me

Taped up window on my left
Broken wiper on my right
Roaming around this land
Waiting on someone to save me
Underneath the blankets of sky
Looking at a million sparkling eyes
I wait on you to save me
I know it’s you who saves me
It’s this world inside my head
It’s a roller coaster ride with no end
It goes up and down and off the track
But I’ll hold on tight or break my back
If you’ll come and save me
I know it’s you who saves me
I’m on the edge of the highest mountain
I’m falling to the lowest depths of the sea
I’m spinning around
Confused on where to go
It’s a mad, mad place
But just to see your face
When you came to save me
You risked life and death
But you came and saved me
Taped up window on my left
Broken wiper on my right
Roaming around this land
Waiting on someone to save me

Shelter

It’s not what you say
But how you say it
It’s not how you say it
But how you feel it
It’s not how you feel it
But how you show it
It’s not how you show it
But how you see it
It’s how you see me
It’s how you make me feel
To make me say
What I want to show you
That even at its ugliest times
This world can be beautiful
But it’s only beautiful
When it’s you protecting me
Holding me
Loving me
Sheltering me
For it is you
Who is always there
To be
My Shelter

Lullaby Island

Come whisk me away
To the Island today
To the place called Lullaby Island

Cloud mountains so high
Sweet dreams by and by
Far away at Lullaby Island

I'd like to stay
Where the Moon and Stars play
At the place called Lullaby Island

Now it's off we go
Soft Blankets in tow
To the land of Lullaby Island

My Way Home

It was morning
When you let it all go
It was morning when
You found your way home
There were no goodbye's
No more hello's
But it was morning when
You found your way home
I never wanted
To let you go
I couldn't take the pain
That scarred my soul
I wanted
To hold your hand
Stand by your side
There was nothing
To hold back my tears
That morning when
You found your way home
Now I now that
When the sun shines
And the morning rays
Are upon my eyes
It is you waiting for me
Waiting for me
Waiting for me
When the day comes
When I find my way home

The Darkness of Water

It was just another night. I readied myself for a shower. The hot water was going to feel good for today had been a long day. With my clothes on the floor, towel in reach, and my night wear set to put on, I started the shower. I needed it hotter than normal. I wanted the streams to massage my body. I knew that I would be there for awhile but as I said earlier, I needed it. I set the shower on and closed the curtain. I checked the mirror again, just to make sure it was me. I stepped in and let the water pour over my strained body. The water felt good. It felt like a drug that I had been waiting for all day. I turned to let the back of me soak in my heroin. I wasn’t sure how long I had been turning and rubbing but it didn’t feel long enough. I let my mind wander to somewhere far away from where I was. For awhile there was nothing. I was in a black nothingness and all I could feel was the warm liquid dripping off me. I kept my eyes closed but there was a glimmer of a sense that I was not alone. I wasn’t scared though maybe I should have been. In an instant I wanted it to come back. With my eyes closed I nearly gave up as I surrendered myself to the passionately warm water washing over me when there it was again. With a feel of excitement that it was back but a fear that it would go away my eyes remained covered. My body began searching for it. The presence began in a series of flashes that brought immense pleasure to my entire body. I wasn’t sure why but though the hot water covered me there was a coolness that surrounded me and I loved it. I could feel it behind me, then in front of me, and as if it were a silk ghost, it ran across my neck. I couldn’t escape it and no part of my being that wanted to. My eyes were still shut and though I never felt an actually force I was thrown to the shower wall while he, yes he, ran across every inch of my body. My breath quickened and my heart was pounding its way out of my chest. There was a sudden flash that was brighter than the sun but again I never opened my eyes. As suddenly as the sensation began, it was gone. I took a minute to catch my breath and slowly uncovered my eyes. It was only me. The water had lost its high. I turned the handle off and grabbed my towel. I had to sit and on to the floor I wobbled down. I could never be sure what was there but what I was sure of was that I was not alone. . . and I wanted more.

291,500

What's in a word?
Words lift
And words pull down
Life is surrounded by words
Life is controlled by words
Words come from the heavens
Words shoot through the depths of hell
A picture is worth a thousand words
But what is the worth of those words
Words of wisdom
Words of tears
Words of joy
Words of sorrow
lovely
lustfully
succulent
delicous
smooth
exquisite
pleasure
pain
hurt
anger
bitch
hate
love
lover
beauty
All these words
Which are right
Which are wrong
fear
war
famine
emotion
happiness
love
love
It is the only word
Out of the thousands
That puts it simply
How much I care for you

Fly

Another Monday night
Another day gone
I’m fighting with myself
Till the break of dawn
I’m holding myself back
And I don’t know why
I ask to be free
But my life keeps passing me by
Another week to come
Another day to see
To find myself struggling
With who I want to be
Why can’t I look in the mirror
When the only one standing there is me
I must rise above and say

It’s my life
It’s my time
To stand on my own two feet
To be the man I saw myself become
No more holding my breath
No more holding me down
I will lift myself up
To the top of this mountain
And shout ‘I will overcome’
‘I will fly above’

Another Monday night
Another table cleared
She’s workin’ two jobs
Just to hold the one so dear
She’s holding herself back
And she doesn’t know why
She asks to be free
But the days just keep passin’ by
Another week to come
Another day to see
She’ll fight to see her daughter
She’ll fight just to breathe
She’ll take a look in the mirror
To see she’s not been beat
She will rise above and say

It’s my life
It’s my time
To stand on my own two feet
To be the person I saw myself become
No more holding my breath
No more holding me down
I will lift myself up
To the top of this mountain
And shout ‘I will overcome’
‘I will fly above’

When you look back on our lives
Please forgive what we did wrong
We fought for what was best for you
We’ve been fighting this war so long
We want you to see
That we’ve made it this far
When the day comes in your lives
When you don’t think you can go on
Look up, rise above and say

It’s my life
It’s my time
To stand on my own two feet
To be the person they saw myself become
No more holding my breath
No more holding me down
I will lift myself up
To the top of this mountain
And shout ‘I will overcome’
‘I will fly above’

Reflections

Home again
A light chill in the night
I look up to see a thousand lights
They’re gone
A thick mist is now high above
A light
Inhale
Exhale
Though I am in the open
I feel no one sees me
Are you there?
Inhale
Exhale
A drink
The sound scrapes
Between melted sand
The world around me looks different tonight
It’s another view
Is it me that is looking?
Is it you?
Inhale
Exhale
The night brings questions
But the sounds of a calm night
That is what I want
I feel something around me
Do you feel me?
The lights are missing
But I peer on regardless
A flicker from across the grass
Inhale
Exhale
One night
Nothing has happened
But I’ve changed inside
Another drink
The coldness slides down my throat
What I want
Is what's keeping me from it
Inhale
Exhale
Home again
In the chill of the night

Out Of Reach

I'm sittin in a daze
What would it be like
to take you by the hand
and in my arms tonight
with water beating down
on my window sill
you will never know
how much you've broken me

And I wanna lie in the rain
To wash away the pain
If you could only see
This love I have in me
but here I find again
the cold my only friend

A smile in a day
a laugh from in the crowd
I can't seem to drown
you outside of my head
I've fallen deep inside
love is out of reach
But I live another day
and I wait for you to breathe

And I wanna lie in the rain
To wash away the pain
If you could only see
This love I have in me
but here I find again
the cold my only friend

so I wait for the day
you take me by the hand
and open your eyes
to see who I am

Then I go another day
Waitin on a dream
I go another day
I wait for you to breathe
I wait for you to breathe

My Name
My Name
My Name

And I wanna lie in the rain
To wash away the pain
If you could only see
This love I have in me
but here I find again
the cold my only friend


And I wanna lie in the rain
To wash away the fear
So you could finally see
This love I have in me
but I find I'm back again
with the cold, my only friend

Another MySpace post.

Yesterday Is Gone

I'm sitting here thinking of you

Remebering the times that we lived through

You were my rock, You were my strength

You were my favorite fight and my best friend

You had countless stories of the times of your youth

And with nothing but time on my hands

My attention went to you

You forgave me when we fought

You saw me for who I really was

And the amount of love you showed me

Could never be measured with words

I can't explain the pain that filled my heart

When I got the call the you had really gone

Thoughts filled my head of what I could have done

But there was nothing for it was time to go home

If there was anything I could do

To show my appreciation and love for you

It would be to show you who I am today

I don't look back on yesterday

I don't live for tomorrow

I live with knowig I am happy of being me

You bring my happiness to this very day

And I know that through this journey of life

You will be my light I hold close to my heart

For you help me to realize

To love in life

You have to love life

Thank you for loving me

And I'll see you when you call me back home

I had written this awhile back and posted to myspace and decided to put it here.

Sea Myth

Can you feel it?
It sends a cold chill
Up the crevice of my back
It pulsates through the surface of my skin
My fingers touch the cold grainy earth
And each one of them become their own madmen
What the moonlight brings
And the sun takes away
The water crashes at my feet
Then seeps into my veins
It tingles as it crawls up my sides
And my heart pounds deep
You see me
I can’t see you
My breath is quiet but quick
It’s a single thought of you
The thought of your lips
Against mine
The thought of your breath
In my ear
Your eyes
Looking into my soul
And your touch
Upon my skin
A single thought of you
Drives me crazy
From within

Light of Your Eyes

It broke me
I mourned you
I set you so high
And then you were gone
You loved me
You taught me
I loved you
I lost you
Your memory kept me going on
And I live now
Through the light of your eyes
Your soul
Your essence
Keeps me flying high
You never doubted me
You always had faith in me
And that’s what kept me going strong
The light of your eyes
Sometimes I grew weak
Sometimes my walk faltered
But you stood right by my side
Though life may get harder
I’ll still go farther
Your words keep my heart
Beating inside
And I live now
Through the light of your eyes
Your soul
Your essence
Keeps me flying high
You never doubted me
You always had faith in me
And that’s what keeps me going strong
The light of your eyes
And someday
I’ll pass your love down
And be there as you were for me
And they will live on
Through the light of your eyes
Your soul
Your essence
Will keep hem flying high
I’ll never have doubt
I’ll never lose faith
I’ll be what they need to be strong
From the light in your eyes

Dream

With the view of your smile
And the dew on your skin
I inhale the fragrance
That is lifting from your body
With the light from your eyes
You pull me close to your bosom
And I listen to your heart
Beating so softly
What can this be
but a call from heaven
Who could you be
but an angel created for me
I run my fingers across your cheek
Through your hair
A tear falls
With one a finger
You lift my eyes to see yours
Our mouths touch to an endless embrace
Three words escape your lips
They fill the room
Surround me
Hold me tight
Through the walls
You found me
I love you

death on the sideline

It was from a movie. As I watched it I knew that her life couldn’t be as bad, but that doesn’t mean that it was any better. I am engrossed with this feeling to pull her out of there and give her the things that my mother can’t. How am I going to do that for her when I can’t even do that for myself? She is one of the happiest little girls you will meet and I am starting to forget what that felt like. When all you wanted to do was have fun because those are the feelings that you like to feel best. I want to know what pure happiness is because I am not worried about the things that bring me down. And who am I to judge? I have no say-so because I have no idea what it is like raising a child on my own. The only thing I have to go on is being treated like that when I was her age. My heart tells me that it’s not right but where does that leave me when I can’t give her the things she needs? Where do I go from here? I can’t even be there for her as much as I want to because I know that in a weird sense in only that I understand, and my sister will too someday, that it will only further her from me. She is going to hate me later. People say she won’t but I know she will. She’ll hate me for making her live that life, knowing that I went through the same thing and did nothing. I know because there was a time when I thought I felt that way. Outsiders can only do so much and it took my will power to stand up and tell her no. God, I don’t want her to have to do that but I know it’s what has to be done. And it’s a death on the sideline for me because no one knows the amount of pain I go through to know exactly how she feels right now, and how she is going to feel. I can feel the answers flowing through my body, but I don’t know how to make things right. I love her and she knows that but where does that leave her? God, where does that leave me?

Lying to Thyself

Why do people need love?
Is it the heartache
Is it the high
Is it feeling wanted
Is it feeling needed
Why do people want love?
Love brings tears
Love brings pain
Love brings warmth
Love brings soft touches
Why do people seek love?
Do I find joy in rejection
Do you find pleasure in lonely mornings
Do you find excitement
In the long hunt
Tell love to fuck off
So I can enjoy my popcorn
Tell love to back away
So you can watch the films
Of others falling in love
Who in the hell wants to be happy?
Bitching at someone
Breaking up with someone
Crying over someone
Holding someone
Kissing someone
Moving your soul in unison
With someone
Hey you!
Walking in front of me
Do you believe
In a sad story like love
Do you believe
In sickening amounts of affection
Do you believe
In the delusional state
Of having love everlasting
You do?
Then, uh
Do you believe
In love at first sight?

Soggy Ice Cream

I just finished watching a sappy chick film and I cried . . . twice. I was about to watch another one when I remember that I have ice cream softening upstairs, so I pick to watch Hostel 2. I got to thinking as the movie was starting that I told myself I was going to stop looking for love, but I really haven't stopped. I keep asking myself over and over again "Why is it that I have this extreme need to be with someone?" I have yet to answer that question. I cry at the chick movies, I WATCH chick movies, I have my voicemail on a phone dating line, I check gay.com to see if maybe they have decided to give me a free month, I don't know what my problem is but I am needing a break. I feel exhausted and I don't know what the hell to do. Now I am sitting here eating soggy ice cream, watching a gore film, and I'm all alone. I need someone to tell me to stop being a woman and drink more :) just kidding. All right I am done bitching for the night.

Another Day, Another Year

I have started anew with this coming year and have moved across town with a couple new faces. What the move will bring in unknown to me but I am grateful that I did it. This past year I have let down a few, I have helped a few people, I have let down myself, but most important of all, I have grown a little more. It has been an interesting life I have journeyed through so far and I can't wait to see what is to come.

I want to thank the people who have continued to be there for me, talk to me, laugh with me, cry with me, fight with me, and have forgave me for anything I have done to hurt them, for it was never my intentions. I am always grateful for the people I have in my life because they are all important to me and make me who I am. I have always said that I love me and it is because of everyone around me is a part of me. To love in life you have to love life and I love everything about my life.

For this upcoming year I hope to become more in contact with those few in which I have lost contact with. I hope to a better friend as they were once to me. I hope that everyone I know finds peace within themselves as well as around them. I hope that this new year brings more joy than pain, more laughter than tears, more love than hate, and more life than death. Lastly, I hope that Hope finds hope, for when Hope is without hope how the hell is anyone to hope for anything when Hope can't even find hope. There, I have said it so many times that it sounds weird. Thanks again everyone, I love you all . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .hope

Empty Promises

For so long
It was me helping you
For so long
You were the child
You brought pain
You brought tears
You brought many days
Of empty promises
I grew and grew
I out-grew you
It's hard to see
A little you in me
Time has passed
Things have changed
You have aged
But you're still the same
There is someone new
In our lives
Another little one
To start anew with
But yet again
You prove the same
And I'm still left
with pain
tears
and empty promises