Haunted

You didn’t notice me die

You held me up

You patted your back

You drowned in sorrow

And let the snow fall

But you didn’t notice me lifeless

You didn’t notice I was broken

I spiraled

Into a demented reality

I slept away my desire

I hid my pain in laughter

I let the night embrace me as her own

I reached out

But never found you

Ghostly words

Invisible promises

They took your place

How do you repair that?

How do you move forward

When all you see is dirt

From the pit you’ve been tossed into?

How do you climb to the top

With no tools to build it

How do you find the light

When you don’t even realize you can’t see

How do I piece together

What you ripped apart

Before I knew what I looked like

Before I knew who I was

When all I’ve known

Is what I see

In the shards of mirror on the floor

Your words still haunt me

Your promises still linger

I’m ready to leave

The empty house

You never built 

Honesty Honestly

Looking for him

Not looking for you

Thanks for the reply

Thanks for your honesty

Was I being honest to you?

Was I being honest to me?

If I wasn’t being honest

Would you actually know?

If I wasn’t sure of myself

If I wanted to try something out for myself

Would I then be dishonest?

Would I then be a game player?

If I don’t know

How do I grow to know?

You tell me

I’m not your type

But then you tell me

You are looking for more

How can you look for more

When your one layer in?

When your expectations are sheet thin?

It’s like you look for me

But only when I am not in front of you

You only see me

When I am turning the other way

You only hear me

When I exhale

In the ear of another

Who are you looking for?

How would you know when you find him?

Thanks for being honest

While you’re looking for him

I won’t be looking for you

Line of Sight

It matters

When I was already in battle with who I was

When I already doubted who I was supposed to me

When I fell and was told I would never get up

When I was talked over

Looked passed

Slapped

Kicked

Worthless

Disgusting

When I was fat

When I was lazy

When I was shameful

When I saw what they saw

It should’ve mattered

When I walked alone

No hand holding

No good morning smile

No good night kisses

No one to tuck me in

No one hold me

No one to love me

No one to tell me it would all be okay

It should have mattered

In the days when I couldn’t walk

When I couldn’t open my eyes

When I didn’t want to

When I would make myself sleep

When I kept myself in darkness

When there was nothing but darkness

In the days when I fought my own self

To save my own life

It should

Have

Mattered

It did matter

It still matters

I see you

Do you see me?

It still matters

I still matter