Lie Still

The ground feels colder today

The ice around my eyes

Built a little higher

I can still wiggle my fingers

I can still see the faint fog of breath

That escapes my lips periodically

The bruise is starting to show

From my most recent fall

The blood from the last one

Has not yet even hardened

I didn’t reach out this time

Didn’t call out

I just gave in

I embraced the cement below me

For it knows me well

But it does not greet me as it did before

It lies still

Anticipating my arrival

Predicting it

I do not try to get up today

I don’t even look around

I settle in to my family shape

I prepare quiet emptiness

That had already began to creep in

No light

No warmth

Just me

And my cold concrete pit

Noise

It starts as a rumble

It’s hardly noticeable

A tingle in your ear

A whisper

You turn 

Try to walk away

It catches you

You can’t tell what it is

Or where it is coming from

But it’s there

You know it

You’re not crazy

There

Right there

You hear better it now

But you’re still unsure

You pull someone aside

Yeah

They hear it too

But they shrug

Then they turn

They walk away

You try to ignore it 

But it rings in your ears

It’s there

Constant

Following you

Pulling at you

Distracting you

You grab someone else

They say it isn’t loud

It’s been there the whole time

Just deal with it

You grab someone else

Can’t be bothered

You grab someone else

It’s not noise

It’s music

Let the music play

You grab someone else

Nothing

Then another

Nothing

Another

Not a damn thing

You reach out

The noise grows louder

Until it is coming at you 

From all sides

It’s everywhere

Nothing but noise

It’s all you hear

It’s coming from the walls

From the street corner

From the chair I sit on

From the clothes I wear

From everything

From everyone

From the mouths of the entire world

From your entire world

It’s so loud

So loud

I didn’t notice myself shrinking

Every passing second

It grew louder

I grew smaller

I closed my eyes

Waiting for it to stop

It has to stop

It needs to stop

Then

I opened my eyes

But nothing

Just nothing

I saw nothing

I heard nothing

I was nothing

I became

The nothing