Journey Unknown

I look upon the fork in the road

I've dropped to my knees

I look to the left

The wind blows hard

The path is dark

I can already feel the cold air

As it reaches for my face

I look to the right

The road is broken

Jagged debris is scattered everywhere

A fog is crawling in the distance

The decision isn't easy

No one said it would be

I close my eyes

I wait for a sign

I won't receive one

Tears fill my eyes

Where do I go

Which path do I choose

I look behind me

The scene is one of devastation

I've fallen

I've hurt

I've broken

I've lost

But I've also risen

And I'll rise once more

I won't give up

I won't give in

I'll march on

Beyond the pain

To a journey unknown

Just the Beginning

I have yet to look for you
I have yet to pine for you
I have yet to yearn for you
I have yet to grow
I have yet to want
I have yet to learn
I have yet to seek higher ground
I have yet to meet expectations
I have yet to not disappoint
I have yet to move on
I have yet to be motivated
I have yet to hit my wall
I have yet to climb my mountain
I have yet to plant the flag
I have to love
I’ve lost
I’ve lived
I’ve fought
I’ve won
I’ve hurt
I’ve cried
I’ve fallen
I’ve risen
I’ve been though it
I’ll go through more
I’ve yet to finish
But I’ve already begun
My oh my
Have I begun

They Come On a Wind

It washes over me
Like a calm wind
On a warm summer day
It hits every part of my body
But reaches
The very depths of my soul
I feel them trickle into my finger tips
They yearn to be let free
They wrap around my heart
Endangering the very life they need
They slow my breath
Challenging me to keep them inside
I live for the thrill
But churn in agony
For the very thoughts
That escape in pleasure
Bring heavy pain
Before they’re let free
To be left here
To be left there
Left to be seen
Left to be heard
Left for anyone
To show them light

Sufferer

You're not hurt

But you are

It doesn't affect you

But it does

Everything around you

It still lingers

You're hurt

I know

You suffer

I know

What you've gone through

I have too

What you feel

So have I

No matter how alone you feel

We're still here

No matter how hard you cry

You don't cry alone

I'm not comparing notes

I'm telling you my pain is real

You're not alone

You're not ever alone

Please tell me I'm not either

The Words Within

I hold my eyes close
I’ve closed them tightly
My head down
My hand gripping my hair
The sound of the music is faint
My hands are furiously wanting words
I scan my keyboard for the words
Where are the words
I listen to my heart
I clear my mind
Clearing the space for their arrival
Where are the words
I can feel them
Pounding there way from somewhere
They’re underneath my skin
Trying to claw their way out
Where are the words
They’re slithering in my mouth
Trying to peek out it’s opening
Where are the words
They’re at my fingertips
Seeking a source for their appearance
The words are there in me
Sometimes they lie still
Sometimes the fall out of touch
Sometimes they weigh so much
I weep in anticipation for their departure
Sometimes the words are not in me
They are me
They are the breath I take
The tears I cry
The kisses I give
The hands I shake
The hearts I love
They are the very life within me
And this I share with the world
Take what you will of me
I give it willingly
Until there is only a whisper left
Here I am

Not a Reflection of You

I see you
You see me
But what do we truly see
The hair across your face
The eyelash on your cheek
Your tongue across your lip
Your eyes scanning me
What do you really see?
Do you see my vulnerability?
Do you see my pain?
My heartache?
My love?
Tell me what you really see
I see a man
Who knows too little of himself
I see a boy
Lost in this big open world
I see a warrior
Willing to protect what is his
What he loves
I see a broken soul
Who needs help picking up his pieces
Can you truly see me
When you can’t even see yourself?
If you can’t truly see yourself
Are you really there?
Have you ever really been there?

Light of Day

Nothing can compare

The difficulties of death

To the difficulties in life

It's a heavy burden on our shoulders

To know we are here

And they are not

Yet

Opening our eyes to see light each day

Is it's own little miracle

One we should be thankful for

To spend another moment

With all our loved ones

Who are still here

With open arms

And an open heart

Something More

My hands were meant for something more
I write
I type
I feel
My hands were meant for something more
I wait
I think
I feel
My hands were meant for something more
I look
I I wonder
I feel
My hands were meant for something more
I caress
I run along
I feel
My hands were meant for something more
I cry
I hurt
I feel
My heart was meant for something more

The Stillness of Breathing

I am not looking at the picture in front of me
Sometimes I’m looking at the frame
Sometimes I’m looking at the wall
Then there are days
Where I’m not sure what damn room I’m in
But I am here
I am here to live another day
I am here to love someone new
I am here to see another sunrise
To go somewhere unknown
To brighten someone’s day
To be me
To see everything I have accomplished
To see all of my failures
We won’t know the future
Unless we build a past
We won’t know pride
Unless we feel humility
We won’t know joy
Unless we hurt a little first
It’s the moments when we stand still
When we remind ourselves where we’re heading next
It’s the times when we stop talking
To hear life happening around us
Reminding us that it goes on
It’s when we close our eyes
That we truly reflect on who we’ve become
Sometimes
Just sometimes
In the face of a brick wall
It’s when we take a step back
To see the beautiful journey that still lies ahead

Thank You

Hello you
It's me
And I just wanted to say
Thank you
Thank you for showing me the path of righteousness
Thank you for showing me I'm wrong
Thank you for showing me you're right
Thank you for saving me
And showing me that you know what's best
Thank you for praying for me
Freeing me from this lifestyle
Thank you for kicking me while I was down
Thank you for lowering my self esteem
Thank you for kicking me out
And disowning me
For letting me know that I am unwelcome around you and yours
Thank you for the tears and heartache
And for letting me know I am disgusting for choosing to be who I am
Thank you for standing against me when I needed you most
And for the cold shoulder when I needed someone to talk to
Thank you for letting everyone know what I am doing is wrong
And that you will never agree with my lifestyle
Thank you for denying me the right to get married
Because doing so affirms that your marriage won't crumble
Or that your children won't be swayed into thinking for themselves
Thank you for fighting against me to adopt
Because innocent children shouldn't be subjected to the horrifying sin I call my life
Thank you for laying fault of every war
Every death
every tragedy
Every outbreak
Every disease
Every evil on me because God hates me so
Thank you for blaming the fall of society on my behalf
Thank you for blaming a deadly disease on me
Thank you for comparing me to a murderer
Thank you for comparing my relationships to acts of bestiality
Thank you for spreading lies and calling them facts from research
Thank you raping me
For torturing me
For killing me
For making me feel so isolated
I feel the only way out
Is taking myself out of the bigger picture
Thank you for violating me
While at the same time telling me I'm the pedophile
Thank you for shooting me in the back
While at the same time calling me a diseased murderer
Thank you making me homeless
While calling me an unfit parent
Thank you for calling me a fag
Queer
Homo
Sissy
A Fairy
A Dyke
Worthless
Confused
Pathetic
Disgraceful
Unnatural
Thank you for reminding me I have a choice in all of this
And that I chose a life of pain
Misery
Regret
But most of all thank you for being you
Thank you for making me stronger
Thank you for keeping me fighting one more day
Thank you for showing your bad side
Which brought out the good in everyone else
Thank you for putting me down
Showing me the endless support I have from everyone else
Thank you for trying to make feel singled out
Showing me how united I can be with everyone else
Thank you for fighting against me to
Making everyone else fight that much harder against you
Most of all, thank you for being you
It reminds me that I am strong
Generous
Kind
A lover
A warrior
That I'm not weak
I am powerful
That I'm not worthless
But meaningful
That I will not back down
I will fight
It reminds me that the only choice I have
Is to be me
And it reminds me just how great it is to be me

And These Walls

I see the mountains from where I sit
I see trees
I see flowers
I see prairie dogs
I see rabbits
I see the sunset
But I’m surrounded
By one window
And these four walls
I can see the world around me
I feel as though I can almost touch it
I hear people walking by
I hear birds singing
I hear crickets chirping
I hear the wind
Blowing across the glass in front of my face
It’s there
And I am here
Behind the window
And these walls
I can smell a barbecue beginning
I can smell a fireplace burning
I can smell a freshly cut lawn
I can smell a world living
Going on as if I am not there
But here I stay
Behind this damn window
And these cold, lifeless walls